Why My Gym Teacher Messed Me Up For Life

When I was in high school, my gym teacher had a special teaching day. She got all the girls in half of the gym (the boys were not invited(?)) to teach us all how to Be Assertive (beep beep!) and how to Not Get Abducted. This involved dragging a boy over into our side and demonstrating the different ways one Prevents Getting Abducted (this includes walking tall and firm, firmly saying "No!", and firmly walking away, while simultaneously being not wishy washy or too polite, and also not being too argumentative or feisty). To demonstrate this, she had him pretend to pick her up as she showed us the different response options, and what the abductor's predicted response would be.
She also demonstrated Safe Car Entrance. She showed us how you have to power walk to your car looking LEFT and RIGHT and LEFT and RIGHT. And while you do this you have to walk with your car key poking out of between your fingers so you can Stab Someone's Eye Out if need be. And while you are power walking and looking BACK and FORTH, you also must be looking under your car to make sure no one is hiding under there. Because they DO. They will HIDE under your car.
And then you have to look in the backseat of your car to make sure they are not hiding in there. Because they DO. They will HIDE in the backseat of your car. Remember the urban legend, girls!!!

That day RUINED me. For life. I cannot get into my car without feeling around in the backseat. Even in daylight, even if I just put Kristen in the backseat and was looking in there. Not sure what this will do, other than make them knife me from the hand up. But it's a complusion - I have to check or I can't drive. Also, I cannot stand with my feet anywhere near my car in case there is someone under there. This makes getting Kristen in and out of her carseat very awkward. But it is also a compulsion. Some nights, when it gets really bad, I have to put Kristen in, jump in the front seat, feel around, and then buckle her up from the front seat.

You now have gained another insight into my crazy psyche.