Me and My Malfunctioning Boobies

Don't worry. This isn't going to be a My Lovely Cervie type post (ps - that link is NSFW. Nor anyone with eyes).

This post, actually, is inspired by That Cool Broad's post about Angelina Jolie and breastfeeding. Like Angelina and TCB, I has a load of difficulties breastfeeding, and I do think that stories like these need to be shared.

Being an Early Childhood major, breastfeeding was never a second thought for me - I was just going to do it. I was mad at my mom for months after I found out I was formula fed. I refused to look at any formula while pregnant, I only wanted bottles that worked best with breastfeeding.
After Kristen was born and cleaned and everyone held her, the nurse shooed everyone out of the room and I got ready for the most magical moment of my life (because hey - I tore top and bottom and watched it, so the one I just had didn't count).
The pain was incredible. The nurse assured me that Kristen was just very eager and we kept trying.
I think my toes, at some point, actually touched the front of my legs above them. The nurse went to get the lactation consultant.
The LC announced that Kristen's tongue was moving strangely and tried giving her a pacifier (she explained that she ordinarily wouldn't, but it might help her figure out how to move her tongue. Nothing.
After more evaluation, it was discovered that Kristen had a collapsed nerve (either from the way she had been laying or the way the OB grabbed her when coming out) and her tounge was swollen, so she couldn't move it right. In addition, I had an inverted nipple, and Kristen had such an amazingly strong suck, the nurses couldn't even bear to watch me trying to nurse her. I had bottles, pacifiers, nipple shields, nipple guards, etc., scattered all over my room. I was double pumping every three hours and hysterical that my baby was starving and I couldn't even give her something to eat.
The LC brought in a little bottle of ready-made formula with a cut in the nipple, and a NICU feeding tube. She stuck the tube in the bottle, taped the tube to her finger, and fed Kristen that way (once again, in complete amazement at how hard Kristen sucked), using her finger to gently get Kristen's tongue out of the way. It worked.
So from then on, I continued pumping (feeling very much like a cow). I would then use a syringe to suck the colostrum out of the pump bottle, attached a feeding tube to the syringe, and fed her with my finger. I couldn't pump unless I was watching her (neat how that works, isn't it? It always flowed easier if I was watching her).
We left the hospital, and of course had to scramble around with a three day old trying to get bottles, a pump, a bottle brush, formula, etc. We picked everything up, but I had problems pumping, since I didn't have access to the hospital pump and was frustrated. We continued tube feeding her with a combination of the formula and what breast milk I could get out.
And THEN engorgment struck. There was no way I could squeeze my overlarged, hard as a rock and so painful I screamed if I moved too fast boobs into that little plastic funnel and start jerking them around. So I quit four days after I came home.
A few days later, we had to go back to the hospital for a checkup, where I announced that I quit. I got her the colostrum, she was doing fine, and we were both so much happier and less stressed once I gave up.

I have heard a ton of horror stories about lactacion consultants and their breast is best manta. I was really nervous.
But I have to say...if you have the option of having your baby at Geisinger Medical Center, do it. Don't think about it. I live an hour away and we drove there at midnight in amazingly heavy fog. And I don't regret it. The whole experience was awesome and I cannot begin to describe how excellent the LC team is. They never guilted me into anything. That nurse I had who first started with me? Stayed after her shift was over because she could tell how upset I was, and rushed over as soon as she saw us come back for the checkup, telling me how she hated to leave and how she was thinking about me, and how she wants to get her LC experience so she can help more. The head LC was nothing but helpful and comforting, did not question my decision to quit, and told me to call her crying if I needed to vent at any point. If I had had some of these people that I have heard about, I think I would have had a breakdown so bad that I honestly think they would not have let me go home with Kristen.
If any of the Geisinger labor and delivery nurses are reading this...I cannot begin to describe what having a supportive team did for me. Thank you.