It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

5:00 AM - Alarm goes off
5:09 AM - Alarm goes off
5:18 AM - Alarm goes off
5:27 AM - Alarm goes off
5:36 AM - Alarm goes off
5:47 AM - Alarm goes off, I sit up
5:56 AM - Alarm goes off, I shoot out of bed and frantically begin preparing for day.
6:13 AM - Already running slightly late, Jason comes in from putting the dogs in the car so I can take them to doggie daycare and announces that my car won't start. Course.
6:22 AM - Drop Kristen off at my moms, having driven Jason's truck, batting away the many attempted conversations with a cry of "I.AM.LATE.GOODBYE". Feel guilty.
6:40 AM - Arrive at work. So much for the 'always ten minutes late' habit I am trying to kick.
1:30 PM - After enjoying a mild day, I tip the mop bucket, sending four gallons of water SPLOOSHing all over the floor. Sonofabitch.
3:00 PM - Rushing around trying to get to doctor's appointment on time, Mom calls and informs me that Kristen has once again pooed through her outfit, and because this is her new kick, there are no spare clothes in the diaper bag. Cut off attempted conversations.
3:20 PM - Drop spare clothes at mom's, cut off attempted conversations with "MY APPOINTMENT IS IN TEN MINUTES."
3:25 PM - Arrive at doctors office.
3:50 PM - Arrive in exam room.
3:52 PM - Nurse holds out thermometer, I stick out my ear. "It's for your mouth," she says. I open my mouth, she puts it in. I close my mouth and my tongue makes a farting noise around the probe. Nice.
3:55 PM - Realize I am wearing my panties that have a giant black cat face on them, and I will be rolling over and showing him my ass while he looks at my cyst. Yep. Figures.
3:56 PM - Doctor announces that I will need my ASS CUT OPEN to have the cyst removed, walks over to next door surgeon to set up. Yesssss.
4:13 PM - Doctors says they can't get me in until 10:00 AM tomorrow...my nice, relaxing day off I have been looking forward to for a week or so.
4:50 PM - Ass hurts.