Happy Boxing Day, Eh?

All right, Boxing day was yesterday. What do you want from me?

Christmas was good. Kristen got very spoiled. She also got her two front teeth...on Christmas morning. I would have been more excited if she hadn't been working on them for two nights straight, screaming.

Random Thought: If I never hear the phrases "C! C! The CAT is ORange!" and "THree PURPLE TRIangles!" again, I will die smiling.

The Other Day Some Guy Propositioned Me...

He wanted his dog to sleep with my dog.

*pausing to allow you to reflect on the possible ways this could go*

But Barkley's not equipped for that.

I went to my work party Wednesday night. It was fun. I told my coworkers about Pete and my sister's nipple story, but I was drunk so that doesn't count.
But that's okay anyway, as she has just told me that her teachers tell Shana stories at their family reunions.

I got switched to Cymbalta yesterday after a fight with the nurse. I threw up all day. But that might be a lingering hangover.

And Pete and I are breaking up January 4th. This will lead to one to two weeks off work.

For an ass bubble.

All right, WTF?

I pour my HEART and SOUL out and the Google Bot comes up with "Girls Love Gay" and "Hot Asian Wife!" as the best ads for this blog???????????????

Well, it's time to come out and say it

I have postpartum depression. It's not postpartum blues, it's not the anxiety disorder that has kept me on and off Paxil for years, it's postpartum depression. And it's about damn time I stop being stubborn and do something about it. And I think blogging about it will be one of the things.
(don't worry...it's not the biggest thing, I have called my doctor and firmly told the receptionist that the new, lower dose of Paxil is NOT working, I feel worse than I felt before I was put on it at all, and I need a stronger dose or a different prescription).
The blog will not be taking a permanent "today I cried. and then I felt broken. so then I cried." tone. I will still be sharing the funny with you. But I need to talk to someone about this. And I can't talk in person about it, I cry, and I get all stupid and blubbery when I cry and I can't get the words out. So I will be able to write out my feelings much better. I think it will be therapeutic.

Not all of you know I have PPD. If this comes as a shock to you, I am sorry, and I did not share with you because of the reasons stated above. You know I'm not good with that feelings sharing crap. We can talk about it if you wish, or we can pretend nothing is wrong as we always do, and share on here. It's really up to you. I'll share with those who do not know and those who do not read this blog when I am ready.

Sometimes I wake up and cry at night!

Yesterday Mom and I went Christmas shopping for Kristen. Mom was asking me about having another baby. I told her Jason still says, "neva" and I am wanting one. She told me Kristen needed a little brother or sister to grow up with. I was holding up an 18 mo sweatshirt that I thought would be nice for her to wear in the spring. I found matching sweatpants (but DON'T WORRY, they're not the crushed velour kind!). I held them up and pictured her strutting around in them in the next few months.
Mom turned around to see me bawling. Alarmed at this display of emotion, she said, "What is it??" I said, "LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" Mom began to laugh. She said, "Are you SURE you're not pregnant?"
No one understands me. They taste like the camper.
We decided to stop at a Dunkin Donuts for a quick donut and smoothie, because we had to hurry home. Neither of us realized that it was *US* and we'd get lost in our own homes if we got spun around fifteen times or so. After ten minutes of circling the city Mom used to live in and we've driven in nearly every day for our whole lives, we found it. But how to get in the drive thru? Some excerpts from the conversation as we circled the block:
"No, just go around the alley and the entrance will be in the back."
"No, it's a dead end."
"Oh Christ."
"THAT was a stop sign."
"Where?"
"Back there."
*scree*
"All right, turn here."
"How the hell..."
We pull up to the back of the parking lot. There is a painted lane the weaves through all the parking spots that leads to the drive through. I wish I'd had a camera. Maybe I will attempt to find the damn place again so you all can see.
We pull up and roll down the window.
***cchhhkkkkk***WELCOME to Dunkins, can I HELP you?
*frantic whispering* One minute!
*frantic whispering*
*me on my mom's bosom yelling at the loudspeaker* I want a small strawberry smoothie...
***cchhhkkkk***One minute!
*patient waiting*
***cchhhkkkk***HOW can I HELP you?
"I want a small strawberry smoothie""GET off me, make that two!"
"And a peanut butter filled donut with chocolate on top"
*shove*And a blueberry cake donut
"AND SOME HASH BROWNS!"

We pull around to the side of the store. Two giant poles greet us, one on each side of the car. The one on the left says, "Option 1 - Place money into red basket. Shut door. Wait." The one on the right says, "Option 2 - Hand money to cashier through passenger side. Get food through passenger side. Approximately two minutes faster than Option 1."
We decide on Option 2. Cashier opens window, and comes face to face with me wearing one sunglass over one side of my glasses. The magnetic sunglasses had broken and only one lens was on.

About an hour or so later, we were home, and my sister arrived. I was helping her film her autobiography and making helpful comments and helpfully munching chips. Her friend called to tell her she had been accepted at her and Shana's 'college of choice' (yes, that was a Perks quote for both of you). Shana began sharing her concerns about not getting in (grab your sides in advance).
When she was filling out her application, there was a spot by her name that said "Jr. Sr. III IV". She didn't know what it meant, so she circled Sr., because that's what grade she's in. She is now known to her college of choice as Shana ***** Sr. This greatly upsets her. She is thinking about writing them a letter to explain the mistake. She is afraid she won't get in. Sometimes she WAKES UP AT NIGHT AND CRIES because of this.
I was wiping tears out of my eyes. So was her friend on the phone. So was Mom. So was friend's Mom.

I went to the surgeon today...

Showed up 10 minutes late. Sat in the same chair, in the same room, that I had my thyroid biopsy in. I compare it to the fourth-seventh centimeter of labor. He poked it to 'see if it moved'. It did. I felt it. He then said we'd try a different antibiotic first, and then stuffed some gauze down there to 'make sure we don't get any blood on your cat.' OH GOD. I WAS STILL WEARING THE CAT UNDERWEAR.

PS - I've named him Pete. The cyst, that is, not the cat. His name is Claws.

It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

5:00 AM - Alarm goes off
5:09 AM - Alarm goes off
5:18 AM - Alarm goes off
5:27 AM - Alarm goes off
5:36 AM - Alarm goes off
5:47 AM - Alarm goes off, I sit up
5:56 AM - Alarm goes off, I shoot out of bed and frantically begin preparing for day.
6:13 AM - Already running slightly late, Jason comes in from putting the dogs in the car so I can take them to doggie daycare and announces that my car won't start. Course.
6:22 AM - Drop Kristen off at my moms, having driven Jason's truck, batting away the many attempted conversations with a cry of "I.AM.LATE.GOODBYE". Feel guilty.
6:40 AM - Arrive at work. So much for the 'always ten minutes late' habit I am trying to kick.
1:30 PM - After enjoying a mild day, I tip the mop bucket, sending four gallons of water SPLOOSHing all over the floor. Sonofabitch.
3:00 PM - Rushing around trying to get to doctor's appointment on time, Mom calls and informs me that Kristen has once again pooed through her outfit, and because this is her new kick, there are no spare clothes in the diaper bag. Cut off attempted conversations.
3:20 PM - Drop spare clothes at mom's, cut off attempted conversations with "MY APPOINTMENT IS IN TEN MINUTES."
3:25 PM - Arrive at doctors office.
3:50 PM - Arrive in exam room.
3:52 PM - Nurse holds out thermometer, I stick out my ear. "It's for your mouth," she says. I open my mouth, she puts it in. I close my mouth and my tongue makes a farting noise around the probe. Nice.
3:55 PM - Realize I am wearing my panties that have a giant black cat face on them, and I will be rolling over and showing him my ass while he looks at my cyst. Yep. Figures.
3:56 PM - Doctor announces that I will need my ASS CUT OPEN to have the cyst removed, walks over to next door surgeon to set up. Yesssss.
4:13 PM - Doctors says they can't get me in until 10:00 AM tomorrow...my nice, relaxing day off I have been looking forward to for a week or so.
4:50 PM - Ass hurts.