I need some gays. Anyone willing to sign up?

Even more than I need someone to follow me around and yell "badaCHA!" at my jokes, I need a gay man best friend or two. I feel sad that I don't have any. There aren't any here. I need one to shop with and pick out clothes with and drink appletinis with and make IFYAHKNOWWHATI'MSAYING jokes about men's penises with. I'd prefer Daniel from Shear Genius. Than he can do my hair too. But there's probably a really long waiting list for him.

*sigh* I lead a cold, empty life.