I think I have another ovarian cyst.

Fucking ow.

Lesson Of The Day

Haddock does NOT = saute. Tilapia = saute. Haddock + Saute = Crumbly mess.

Still tasted good, though.

















Also, some grown-up preschooler came and ate my toddler overnight!

LIFE UPDATE

I am working extremely hard on figuring out my new webcam so I can video blog. It is NOT going well.

So continue to do the fork in the garbage disposal while you wait.

So I am blogging from my new laptop.

I have the fingerprint scanner set up. I was practicing using the touch screen - you may be getting a handwritten blog if possible (don't worry, I have really good handwriting - working with preschoolers does that). I still need to get all my documents and pictures and bookmarks and music transferred from my old desktop. I can watch DVDs. And there's a webcam in it.

Girl's weekend was excellent. My head hurts. I have new toys and a new appreciation for good pizza. Can't wait for the next. Pictures (don't worry, not ALL of them ;) ) will be posted at some point...the one thing this doesn't have (I think) is a built-in card reader, so I will have to find my cable.

Oh, and my blog is top on another Google Search!

For those of you who found me by searching "shana's vagina" and than hitting "I'm feeling lucky"...your intuition was a little off.

I need some gays. Anyone willing to sign up?

Even more than I need someone to follow me around and yell "badaCHA!" at my jokes, I need a gay man best friend or two. I feel sad that I don't have any. There aren't any here. I need one to shop with and pick out clothes with and drink appletinis with and make IFYAHKNOWWHATI'MSAYING jokes about men's penises with. I'd prefer Daniel from Shear Genius. Than he can do my hair too. But there's probably a really long waiting list for him.

*sigh* I lead a cold, empty life.

OHMYGODTomorrow's Friday.

I just got so excited when I realized that.

And then I got super excited when I realized it's not just ANY Friday. This weekend is girls' weekend! Amaretto sours and hot tubs ahoy!

But don't worry, guys, I'm not going to get drunk and embarrass you like I did last time.










Or the time before.






























It is *really* hard to type with my fingers crossed.

COME ON NOW

The latest search hits have been "Caden watcher stripper" and "my sister's nipple".

I think I am attracting the wrong demographic.

Uh-oh. And I only live a few hours away from the birth of Sheetz.

Would you like to know whose site pops up first if you google "Sheetz Fat Burner Smoothie"?

Thanks for the warning, site meter.

EDIT: AND AND AND
Someone also found me by searching "Fisting Pomp".

And "Get Smart Retard Stable Boy". Not as exciting, though.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight (all the way) (spoiler free)

I've even done my best to make up for the lateness.

Jason and I went to the 10:00 showing on Friday (so it had been showing approximately every three hours for 22 hours). It sold out.
Number of Kids Under Eight: 4
Number of Kids Who Didn't Make It Through: 3
Audience Members Who Saw That Coming: All

Really...it's not a kids movie, people. Pay attention (although 8 Mile wasn't, either, and that was filled with obnoxious tween boys). Jason and I amused ourselves by yelling, "TWO! THREE!" as soon as people would walk in with kids. And by the end, everyone else had picked up on what we were doing and joined in. Great fun was had by all, except for the other parents who had also figured us out.
There were also stupid college kids running around yelling BATMAN in their Cartman In The Special Olympics voices. It seemed to suit them.
Trailers:
The Mummy, sadly, has jumped the shark (and with a three headed dragon, too). Jason and I are huge fans of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, but this just looks bad.
There is a kids movie coming out about a white husky who thinks he is a wonder dog because he plays one on TV. Kristen better get old enough to take very soon, because that hamster cracked my ass up.
I had *no* idea they were making another Terminator. It looks excellent!
The new James Bond is at dangerous shark-jumping level. Apparently Bond gets kicked out of the team, shunned by M, and goes galloping off on his own with his former coworkers after him. I'm not sure how far they can take this, lets hope they get back on track by the end.
Hmm...I know there were more, but they must be lame because I have no memory of them.

This baby is two hours and forty minutes long, and you sit through it without taking a breath. The only possible thing they could have maybe done without is the Two Face storyline - that seems to drag it out just a tad too far, and make everything a tad too complicated - but that is me reaching to find a drip of excess. The movie is fast past, exciting, and really WHAM BANG OH MY GOD THE PENCIL TRICK never saw it coming.
The opening scene with the clown robbers/introduction of the Joker is excellent, and filled with the OH THAT BUS DRIVER moments I was just talking about. The movie, which already has you enthralled, hits you over the head repeatedly, and I almost always loved it (for those of you who have seen it WHICH SHOULD BE ALL OF YOU, I'm sure you're also thinking of the warehouse scene right now).
Heath Ledger is amazing. The walk, the stare, the tongue flicks, the way he moves his mouth and sucks on his cheeks - oooo it gives me the chills remembering. He deserves every single ounce of praise that everyone is giving him. The world has lost an amazing actor, who could have done so much more. Forget Brokeback Mountain - this is his best performance (and I loved what he did with the emotional turmoil of Ennis). And he's funny. Not in the Jack Nicholson way, but funny. When asked by the mob, "Do you think you can just burst in and rob us blind?", he considers, then nods and says, "Yeah." There is a scene when he is blowing up a building, and walking away from it as it seems like every room in the place blows up. He stops, turns and stares, throws up his arms, and begins furiously pushing the detonator. The building finally blows up with such force the audience began whooping, and he bounces away.
Amazing as Ledger was, I assumed that most of the hype and accolades for the movie was based on his performance and subsequent death. It's not. The Joker was perfectly played, and yet does not overshine the rest of the movie - it's ALL that good. Maggie Gylennhaal plays her part nicely, and Aaron Eckhard IS Harvey Dent. And Christian Bale. Yeah. Man can fill out the Batsuit. WhatIwouldn'tgivetobethattackybelt.
The toys and gadgets Batman has access to are very well done, if not a little over the top (there is a kidnapping mission to Hong Kong that's a bit out of place feeling). There is a scene where a tractor trailer flips, longwise, on its back, where the entire audience was whooping and screaming.
The plot: They blow things up. But it does have a lot of deep, dark stuff. The Rachel storyline is amazing. The moral line (Is Batman a hero or menace? Does Gotham even need him? Should Dent step up and Batman step out? Should Batman give in, or stay strong, even if people are dying?) And I loved the ferry quandry.

Bottom Line: You MUST see this movie. Even if you didn't see Batman Begins. I have not (yet...I will be now), and you can tell that you are missing some background, but it is an amazing story and easy to follow all the same. Go see this!