No, this is not where I talk about the concert (I still have to get the pictures from Jason, and it's not the same without pictures). That was me talking about the laugh at my expense you're about to get.
Horrifically awful week. I swear to yer mom, no part of what you are about to read is made up or even slightly exaggerated. One, you can't make this shit up, and two, I would NEVER joke about yer mom. Except for, you know, when I'm making jokes about yer mom. Let's break it down.
Monday
-Car trouble, 15 min late for work
-All front doors at work locked, walked allll the way around building, alllll the way back, and allll the way through the factory to get to office
-Notimetothink busy
-Came home to find Barkley made diarrhea on floor
-Couldn't get exercise DVD to work
-Went to pick up Krissy, locked self out of car with it running
-Came home after rescue by Jason to find Barkley made diarrhea on the floor
-After cleaning, dogs came in from outside and got mud everywhere
-Long cry
Tuesday
-Car trouble, 15 min late for work
-Notimetothinkbusy
-Got period
-Got period while wearing tan pants
-Had no equipment and no change (damn fickle IUD)
Wednesday
I got up nice and early for work in case of car trouble. None. WHEWT! As I pull away, a black cat I have never seen before went slinking across the road, glowing his eyes at me, and I think, oh crap. Then I thought, "This can't happen. Something this cliche-supersticious happens, you know nothing will actually go wrong." Dropped Kristen off, drove the three miles to get on the highway, and merged with traffic.
Liz failed me.
Made it about a mile down highway before she went completely dead. I got out my purse to call Jason, who probably hadn't left for work yet.
Where the HELL-- where's my phone???
Sonofabitch. I stared down at my three-inch, wobbly heeled, frilly, flouncy, girly stilletos. Peep toe. Stared out at pitch black, windy highway (6:30 in the morning). Sighed, made sure to put keys in purse, and started teetering along. Do you KNOW how much dead shit is along the highway? Cars were flying past me. I had about four miles to go to make it back to my parents, hoping my dad hadn't left yet, and my toes were frozen.
As I hobbled to the entrance ramp, a car pulled over. I had already decided to take it unless the person was obviously crazy, I was just going to tell them that I had seen West Side Story and stilltetos could be used as weapons. Luckily, the driver was female and looked kind of bitty, so I figured I could take her if need be. She said she saw me wobbling along, saw the car, and decided to turn around. I could have hugged her. Turns out, she was Jason's fifth grade teacher and knew Jason's mom (I live in that kind of place.) She took me home, where I thanked her profusely and walked up to the door. Jason had gone, but I could take his truck after I called work.
But where were my keys? I dumped out my purse. I dumped out my pockets. I shook my ass a bit. WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS??? I distinctly remembered putting them in my purse!
FRICK.
(Or, as my mini sailor would say, ssssssit.)
I opened the gate and walked out back, hoping that I had been the last one to leave the dogs in, subsequently forgetting to lock the door. Locked. I walked over to the side door. I also forget to unlock that one. Jason had the sunroom filled to capacity with cardboard ready to recycle. At this stage, it's kind of at the point where it is so ridicolous you start getting into it, you know? So I did a big swan dive, arms outstretched to the door (moment of panic when I realized I was going to be landing boob first, but I righted myself in time).
LOCKED.
I vaguely remembered hearing about being able to unlock doors with credit cards. So I scrambled back over the mountain and went back out front to get my purse. Where are my lazy neighbors, anyway? Why aren't any of them awake yet so I can use their phones? Lsrs. I swan dove back over the mountain and began my mission.
Jason, if you are reading this, GOOD JOB on the weatherstripping you did back there. NOTHING is getting though.
Dove back over cardboard. Went to front door and tried credit card trick there. And, in no time at all...
My front door was still locked, although now I had a credit card stuck in my door to boot.
After heaving myself against the door and plantively myeaaaaahing against it, I finally saw a neighbor in his driveway. The new ones. Sure. Stacy doesn't get to know them with pie or flowers, as I had taken nothing over there yet. Stacy just delves right into I AM CRAZY.
I walked over and asked to use his phone. He let me in and I started making phone calls. While talking with my boss, the woman said that she would take me, as she and her husband both work in the city. We got in and started chatting. She used to work with Jason's dad and was hired at the company instead of Jason, they are in the same field and have already been chatting about. I told you. THAT kind of place. She was extremely suprised to hear that I am 23, as I have 'such a mature and sopisticated look'.
Conclusion - no one can see into the windows of my sunroom from anywhere in her house.
And that concludes my week so far. I still can't quite believe it myself.
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