My husband can die a happy man.

He is finally getting a riding lawn mower. All his goals in life have been met, and there will be nothing else in life to look forward to.

I've tried to tell him the lawn isn't big enough, and we won't have much left anyway after we install the patio and pond. He continues to mentally masturbate at the sight of one.

Finally, he is getting one from his dad. Where are you going to fit it in the garage? I asked. How are you getting it into the yard with the fence gates so narrow? I asked. How are you getting it into the garage when there's a STEP? I asked.

I am not to worry, as the Riding Lawn Mower God will provide.

I worry.