WHAT the EFFFFFFfffffff?

No...that was not me imitating anyone wondering where I have been.

I've had nothing funny happening in my life, that I can't talk about without getting fired for. So I'll do another YouTube find. This one comes courtesy of Shana...and I LOVE it. I don't know how these people do this without getting sued. I don't know how they do it so it looks like one seamless take.
David Blaine Street Magic - Part 1
David Blaine Street Magic - Part 2 (I frequently yell "Cheez Its! Cheez Its! Cheez Its!" now)
David Blaine Street Magic - Part 3 (*frantic* "Did you shrink him???" *simply, calmly* "No." EOR!)

I crack up every.time.

And For More Of That Unlikely Shit In Life...

Yesterday was the preliminary hearing for the DUI incident. We got to the court, sat in the very small waiting room with drunkfool, and then were taken in. The public defender was asking him all the standard questions. When he got to the charge list, DF interrupted with, "I was not behind the wheel at that time." I got all excited. Public defender and dumbfuck went out in the hallway to discuss strategy. Police officer said, "I don't believe it...he's actually going to contest the whole thing." DA shook her head. Judge said, "We may actually have to go to trial for this." Judge, DA, police officer, and Jason begin talking about jogging in marathons and about DF (while "I smoke dope, madam" friend pouted in back), because nothing sparks professionalism like small town legal matters.
We all get quiet to listen to conversation in hallway. DF is telling Public Defender an elaborate tale of how he was just innocently leaning against his car when Jason came out and starting yelling at him that he was going to call the cops on him. Public Defender explains that DF is indeed, a rather drunken fool, and it would not be smart to carry on with this.
DF and PD re-enter room, and PD tells the judge that he will be needing a waiver. PD asks DA what she is asking for, and she says the max (five days). PD nods, judge tells us we're not needed, and DA smiles and tells us it was nice to meet us. Whimwham.

The Good And The Ugly Of Life

The last Monday of March, my grandmother was admitted to the emergency room. My aunt had called the house, got no answer, and came over to find my gram on the floor. She couldn't get up, and couldn't get out of the chair once they did get her up. She had congestive heart failure, failing kidneys, and several infections. On Tuesday, we were told to decide whether or not we wanted them to resuscitate if she had a stroke overnight, which they expected her to. She did not, thank god.
Wednesday was April 2nd. I hate April 2nd. On April 2nd of 2003, in my senior year of high school, I was awakened to learn that my very favoritest uncle had suddenly died, in front of my father. On April 2nd of last year, right after we brought Kristen home from the hospital, we buried my grandfather. Kristen never got to meet him. I was dreading April 2nd from the moment I learned about my grandmother. We spent all night in the room with her, as she drifted in and out.
I finally climbed into bed around eleven, feeling relieved and a bit silly that I had been so paranoid about the date. The phone rang. My heart fell. It was my mother in law. My heart lifted. She said, "Stacy, please tell Jason that his uncle passed away a few hours ago."

My grandmother has recovered enough to be put into a nursing home. So now all the fun of finances begins. We said goodbye to Jason's uncle on Sunday night. Life is getting back to normal.

Kristen is walking! She was on the edge for weeks. We all knew she could do it, she was just too afraid. On April Fools Day, she just let go and walked across the room. With a "haha, bitches! I could do it all along!" face. Two days later, she pulled herself up to standing in her crib, attempted to applaud herself, and promptly fell back over. She stood back up and immediately threw all her toys out, tried to fall out, ripped her mobile down, ripped all the toys off the mobile, and pulled the curtains off the rod.

Now the fun starts.

I would hate to watch movies with myself.

An excerpt of me during a tense scene:
"RUN, Frodo, RUN!"
"Ohh...you're a thhhupid hobbit, Frodo."
"Frodo you stupid bimbo. Get.out."
"I don't like the looks of this, Frodo."
"Ohhhhh"
"Frodo...FrodoFrodoFrodoFrodoWHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
*holding eight pound dog in front of face. Dog looks startled, and at the same time, simply resigned.*
"GandaIT WAS JUST GANDALF, YOU LUCKY FOOL! Wheeeeeeeeewh! I hope you learned your lesson!"

nft

And the unlikely shit keeps rolling in...

A few weeks ago, we were at Jason's parents to spend the day (we alternate parents every Sunday). We were getting ready to go visit Jason's grandmother, when I heard Jason out front yelling for someone to call the police, the damn idiot hit his car (his Miata, his baby, the source of light in his eyes and warmth in his heart). I yelled for FIL to go help and went out front. There was one of the fools that lived in the apartment building beside IL's, sitting in his car, right back wheel on the curb, left front bumper wedged into the Miata's. He was sitting there in a stupor, holding his hands in the 'idahknow' position while Jason stood beside his window yelling at him, and alternately at the family on the porch to call the cops. FIL went out and inserted himself, and suddenly Jason's cries turned to, "Call the cops, this idiot is drunk!" while said idiot shook his head in disbelief. "AND his registration is expired!" Jason was beside himself.

The cops were called - the guy was hammered (at 1:15 PM on a Sunday morning). He was thrown up against the cruiser, slurring "Why are you arresting me?" as the cop (who I have known for quite some time, I taught his daughter when I worked in day care) yelled "DUI!" and carted him off. There was no damage to the Miata. It was, most unfortch, quite COPS-esque.

The car remained, half on the curb, for a few days, and then it disappeared, and that was that.

This morning, the officer showed up at our door and served Jason with a subpeona to appear in court next Wednesday. The guy's defense? "I wasn't driving."

*insert face you're probably making right now as well*

Officer: "Yeah...I know".

I'm going to court with Jason. Screw him, he can handle himself without me...I just want to hear this.