This song annoys me so.

I hate this song. It's like the writer tried as hard as she could to come up with as many different ways of saying, "I picked up a hitchhiker, we found a hotel, and I did the nasty with him like a ho...over...and over...and over." The radio station I listen to at work plays it almost every day. I shall now break down the reasons why I hate it. The lyrics mostly speak for themselves. To the songwriter: A pox on your crotch and all those who dwell in it.


it was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.
So i pulled up alongside
And i offered him a ride. (himbo)
He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while.
I didn't ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate, tell me it's right,
Is this love at first sight?
Please don't make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.

All i wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All i wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
It was a place i knew well (slut)
We made magic that night. (Let's begin the count of how many times we get skeeved)
Oh, he did everything right (two)
He brought the woman out of me, (this is the weirdest way to put it eva)
So many times (four), easily (five)
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
"i am the flower you are the seed" (Can you imagine this poor guy, who probably just wanted laid, standing there reading this with the w.t.f. look on his face?)
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree (this is six, btw)
Don't try to find me,
Please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
You'll always be there

All i wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All i wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love (seven)
Love like strangers (yah, we get it now)
All night long (nine)
We made love
We made life (at this point, I begin imagining the 'eight weeks later' picture of cells dividing from Knocked Up. The dramatic music helps)

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
I said "please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me
Was the one little thing that you can"

WHAT. What happened to love at first sight??? You found a random guy and had sex for him because your husband couldn't get you pregnant??? Naice.

All i wanna do is make love to you (So I just slept with you and gave you that freaky stalker note for your sperm and never told you you had a child...sorry. I don't really want you for anything else...so I guess some sex will make up for it?)
One night of love was all we knew
All i wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long (ten)
All night long (eleven)
All night long (twelve)
All night long (thirteen)


Next time: Shanananana And The Magic Vaginananana


EDIT: And now it is permanently lodged in my brain. It's an earworm. Thanks, anonymous.

I'm feeling much better now

Except for this image I now have stuck in my head.

I'm getting around much better, although I can't go very fast, so I just shuffle along slowly while pumping my arms as if I am running in slo-mo.

Jason tells me I was carrying on about the ceiling moving after they slipped me the mickey. I think he's lying.

My Sister Taught Herself How To Do Everything With Her Feet

She did this because she's afraid she'll someday lose her hands and she wants to be prepared.

I used to think "silly, paranoid, hypochondriac fool", but now that there is a HOLE IN MY ASS and I can't bend, I think "Brilliant!".

She also has to count her fingers and toes every night before bed to make sure she still has ten of each, but even through my drug-induced haze I ain't that crazy. But I've come a little closer to understanding her.

Happy Boxing Day, Eh?

All right, Boxing day was yesterday. What do you want from me?

Christmas was good. Kristen got very spoiled. She also got her two front teeth...on Christmas morning. I would have been more excited if she hadn't been working on them for two nights straight, screaming.

Random Thought: If I never hear the phrases "C! C! The CAT is ORange!" and "THree PURPLE TRIangles!" again, I will die smiling.

The Other Day Some Guy Propositioned Me...

He wanted his dog to sleep with my dog.

*pausing to allow you to reflect on the possible ways this could go*

But Barkley's not equipped for that.

I went to my work party Wednesday night. It was fun. I told my coworkers about Pete and my sister's nipple story, but I was drunk so that doesn't count.
But that's okay anyway, as she has just told me that her teachers tell Shana stories at their family reunions.

I got switched to Cymbalta yesterday after a fight with the nurse. I threw up all day. But that might be a lingering hangover.

And Pete and I are breaking up January 4th. This will lead to one to two weeks off work.

For an ass bubble.